Wilderness

Admittedly, it's been painfully difficult to wrap my mind around the thought of my son David making the decision to take this prospective job.  I have many valid reasons to be concerned.  His health for one...

Truthfully, I didn't really want to go to church yesterday.  As we were getting ready in the morning, my husband was complaining way more than usual about how difficult it is to get everybody up and out the door on time, (mainly me and our 2 adult children,) and I was in no mood to hear it.  It was early morning, and I felt worn out already.  I have been stressing about David's job possibility, and awoke in the middle of the night feeling completely uneasy over the situation.  I spent hours praying and wrestling with the Lord over it.

Immediately after we sat down in the pew I noticed how empty this summer service was going to be and began feeling sorry for myself that we haven't yet, and may not, take a summer vacation.  For the 2nd week in a row, our pastor and his family weren't there.  I didn't want to be there either.  At. All.

As I began to listen to the Bible verses being read on the topic that would be preached on, I sighed in my mind, wondering if the service would go into overtime.  My mind was wanting to leave the building - even if my body couldn't.   Our assistant pastor started his intro after the scripture reading by speaking about a camping journey that he and a friend had gone on many years ago.  Knowing that there would be some similarities with this and David's job, my mind pulled back, and my ears began to open, as well as my heart.  For the next 30-40 minutes I listened to God tell me why David should take this job.  Ouch!  I wanted to resist, but His rationale was so compelling, I cannot argue.  He let me know that although He appreciates my concerns for my son, He most certainly knows what's best for him, and it's time for David to take a trip into the wilderness.  He confirmed that His plans for David's time spent in the wilderness will be of benefit to him for the rest of his life.  He made clear that David will grow and mature in his faith while performing his job, as he will have good reason to rely on Jesus while he is in the wilderness - literally, and figuratively. 

My brain understands His will, my heart hurts to the point of tears though.  I want so badly to rest in the Lord's decision.  I wish I could say that my faith is so solid that I am at peace with His plans.  However, if David chooses to accept this position, I will become a prayer warrior for his journey through the wilderness.  I may be hesitant to accept this change, but I'm determined to remain faithful to my son, and to His Son - as I know that He too, went through the wilderness.